Not Hungry

I haven't been very hungry these past few days. Don't worry, I'm not going to have to change my blog title. The descriptor "hungry" in the title is much more complex than simply the urge for sustenance from food it refers to my appetite for knowledge, for balance, for a new way of eating in America, and so many other things that don' t even relate to food directly. How did you not get that?

As I was saying, I haven't been hungry for the past few days. This hasn't stopped me from eating and I can't say I've even consumed less this week than I would any other. It is pretty evident that I don't really listen to my hunger. In fact, since college my hunger and I have had a rather rocky relationship. Even before early adulthood I'm not sure I ever paid very much attention to my hunger. Growing up in an upper-middle class Italian-American household meant that food was never in short supply. My mother prepared home-cooked food at regular meal times and did her best to keep sugary cereals and soda to a minimum so the food environment was a healthy one. I had no reason to think that my hunger wouldn't always be satisfied with minimal effort. Thus, I paid it little mind. As was usually the case, I would eat when food was presented to me whether my hunger dictated it or not. So, as I said, before college I didn't pay much attention to my hunger.

This changed during my freshman year. Whether it was my own body image insecurities or a need for some control in a time of great flux, I began to eat less frequent and smaller meals. Soon my hunger began to speak up and I had a harder time ignoring it. I remember going to bed while my hunger screamed at me, "Get up and eat something!." Though I could have easily gone to the small fridge in my dorm and quieted my hunger with a snack, I chose not to and I enjoyed the control I had over my hunger. Over the next year, I fought hard against my hunger but as I entered sophomore year of college my hunger won the battle. I began to eat more frequently and larger portions and my hunger was usually satisfied. However, the fight with my hunger is far from over and, though I listen to it more now than in the past, our relationship remains a tumultuous one.

Often I find myself angry with my hunger because it interferes when I'm trying to do schoolwork or exercise or when it decides to show up just as I enter my favorite co-op with an empty grocery cart. At other times, I wait in great anticipation for my hunger to arrive only to get angry when my hunger doesn't show up at restaurants or is late for a date with a plate of freshly baked (vegan) brownies. When my hunger does appear, I get upset when it doesn't stay long enough for me to enjoy that second helping of piping hot cornbread smeared with honey.

Still our relationship isn't all negative. I do appreciate how my hunger reminds me of another opportunity to nourish my body and tantalize my taste buds with a new edible experience. When I really stop to listen to it, I find that my hunger leads me to a meal that satisfies me nutritionally, emotionally, and sensually. If only I could learn to listen to it more often.


In satiety, Jenna